Raising children is a tough job--but SOMEbody's gotta do it, right???
Before we began to enlarge our family unit, Daniel and I had made a tough call: I would stay home full-time with the kids while they were young. I say "tough" because it meant we would live on one income. We had the inability to buy a home, make fun purchases or take trips often. It was a deliberate decision but one that we both felt, when we would look back years later, we could say was a good call.
We started our family with the birth of our son, Joshua. Daniel was the youth pastor at an established church in Los Altos, California during this time and was very diligent in fulfilling his calling and job. Four years later, our daughter, Ariel, was born and we had just begun a church plant on the other side of the Silicon Valley in north San Jose with another couple from our Los Altos church. When Nathaniel was born three years later, I was knee-deep in the mothering thing.
As we were raising our family, Daniel and I were drawn to books regarding child-rearing and marriage. We knew we needed helpful honesty from those who were at least a few years, if not a generation, ahead of us to keep us on track in our marriage and our family. And truthfully, living in a "glass house" as a pastor and family is real! We wanted to live our lives and lead the church with integrity, honoring God in all ways possible. Being consistent, not only individually but corporately, is hard work that pays off later on.
We don't even remember where we got this idea, but it was a good one. We decided to teach our children that our family had a "key word". Daniel and I chose the word "obedience". When we observed that someone was choosing to head towards disobedience, we would call out "What is the key word in this family?" Hopefully, a swift reply would come back "obedience"--perhaps with an added eye-roll. But that was their signal that if they didn't start obeying immediately, consequences would follow swiftly.
Obedience learned at an early age will give sturdy parameters later on as they learn to make wise choices EVEN when mom or dad isn't around. Teaching young children to obey steers them toward healthy discipline in their lives as they become older. When our children were young, I explained obedience to them this way: "If you obey, you will be happy. If you disobey, you will be sad."
The hardest part of parenting is this: it is hard work and consistency is the key. As parents we are to be doggedly (persistent; unyielding; stubbornly persevering) consistent in training and disciplining our children when they are young. Even when they've done it for the um-teenth time in one day. Even when we are dead-tired. And even when there is no one to hand us a Starbucks latte and rub our feet as a reward.
I have found that my reward is that after ALL that consistent, hard work, I can say to anyone quickly and easily that I LOVE who my kids ARE. Unique in their own wonderful ways, they are all leaders, living lives of integrity and honoring God through all they do. I love who they are! Isn't that worth it all?!
(second part in series)
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