A few months ago my daughter-in-law Kristi sent an email asking if Daniel and I would be willing to answer the following:
How do you tend to your soul (or let God tend to your soul) when chaos and/or the basic demands of life are all around?
In other words, How do you connect with God, how do you “get filled up”, how do you (practically and specifically) draw strength and inspiration and sustenance from Him when you are overwhelmed or burdened or weary or at your wits’ end? Or what about when you are just plain busy (perhaps even busy with great and necessary things)? What habits or activities are life-giving, therapeutic, or helpful? What do you do to help yourself stay in tune with God?
Kristi was beginning her research for a speaking engagement to a mom's group. I began thinking back to my days in the trenches of motherhood. I have countless good memories that I love to bring out of storage and reflect on and smile over. I also have some "mom" memories that are in the recesses of my brain in bold type that are messy or ugly and hold emotional pain that I can still mourn over. I would rather these memories be put in a bin and taken for shredding! Nevertheless, I thought it would be informative for my loving daughter-in-law to hear some realness from me, but the above questions overwhelmed me. So I decided to just "free-form" it for her, typing whatever randomness came to mind.
Today is the first day that school is out (where we live, here in TN). I know that there are mom-friends who are beginning to look for their summertime survival guides! With that in mind, I have decided to add a copy of my response here:
Tending my soul, to me, is allowing time for regeneration/recharging of my brain and soul and spirit. It's like a recalibration time. It can take 15 minutes or 2 hours. It can be as simple as sitting in the sun on the back patio and listening to the sounds of the birds, watching the clouds go by, feeling the warmth of the sun on my back, etc. I am always quiet when I take this time out from regular life. I need to allow opportunity for His voice to come through. I need to settle my thoughts and be still.
During my motherhood years, I built into each day, Monday thru Friday, my quiet time. That happened during nap time for the kids…or kid. I did this very early in their life, because I found that I was a crazy woman, even worse, if I didn't take this time. Being a stay at home mother caused me to feel 'less than' just about any other woman. I had low self-esteem and self doubt. I would second-guess myself all the time. I insisted on the discipline of naptime for the kids, which offered me a recharge time. As they grew out of their naptime, I insisted (mostly during the summertime) on rest time for the kids. They had to take a book or two and read on their bed for a specified time, or until the timer went off. I usually set the timer for 45 minutes. That way, if they were tired that day, that was enough time for them to fall asleep for a bit. If they weren't tired, they knew they had to be on the bed until I said or the alarm said it was time to get off the bed. That way, I had about 40 minutes or so on weekends or summertime, where I still had opportunity for quiet time for myself. Of course, when all three were in school, my time was much more freed-up for myself.
Life does have demands. There are things that need to be done and can't or won't wait for me to fill up in Jesus' presence.
I used some of the repetitious, more mundane housework chores to let myself commune with God. Washing dishes by hand was very therapeutic for me. Really! While the dishes were being washed, I was allowing quiet in my mind to hear from God. To allow Him space to say something specific to me. Of course, I would throw out conversation starters for Him! But I always tried to view it as a back-and-forth conversation. Most of the time I would really only get one sentence worth from Him, but it was always very 'on target' for me. Sometimes I would allow Him to help me work out scenarios in my mind of a conversation I knew I needed to have with someone, but was putting off because I hated confrontation. And when I was finished with my listening or conversation, the dishes were magically done!
I have never been a morning lark. Ever. Never. I have always enjoyed staying up late. I guess my brain started to really rev in the early afternoon and it would carry through the evening time. With that said, I fell back to sleep or was to distracted by my early morning surroundings to have successful early morning time with God. My view has always been that my relationship with God is ongoing. Conversations happening throughout the day. I didn't have a wreck of a day because I didn't get up before everyone else and have my devotions. If I had a wreck of a day, it was because I took my eyes off my Source. I tried to do life on my own, by myself. I had secretly guilted myself because I wasn't 'spiritual' enough to read my bible and pray early in the morning.
For me, I enjoyed reading in bed, before I fell asleep. With the stillness of the house, it has been much easier to retain something I've read. In the quietness and stillness, I feel His presence in a dear and close way. I seem to be more receptive to His voice. And when I recount my day, feel like I'm looking with a side glance at Jesus while I ask him to forgive me for the bazillionth time for something and to help me remember to or help me to not do it a-gain! And he is so very patient with me, a slow learner.
Another thing: worship is an integral part of much of my quiet time. Not every time. But if I am in a season of waiting or expectation or allowing circumstances to scare me, I worship. It crowds out all the crap and brings me to my Center, my spiritual North. The kids were subjected to periods of time where (after I put them to bed, and Daniel was at a meeting) I would get out my guitar and they would hear me sing song after song, wailing away, allowing the words to penetrate my soul and spirit. Then I could honestly love God through the words I was singing…and all was well. Sometimes I think I was doing some spiritual warfare, too!
As for being overwhelmed, burdened or weary or at my wits end: it shows me that I am working on my own strength alone, trying to do things my way and failing miserably. I don't kick myself for finding myself this way, it is my proof that I am unplugged from my Source. Usually Daniel is the first to say it and then I have to admit it. I am full of selfishness and pride and don't kill it nearly enough. I look at Daniel as my God-given helper in getting me back on track. He helps me 'puzzle it out'. Pointing me in the right direction.
I enjoy being at the ocean's edge or in an outside place (it can be the backyard or a mountain road) where I can watch God's creativity in nature being or doing what it was created to do. Clouds move according to wind patterns. Birds call out their distinct God-given song. The heads of lavender bushes rub back and forth to emit a pleasant aroma. Tall evergreens sway to the wind patterns. Butterflies loop-de-loop before they disappear into another yard. Nature performs a symphony that I can see more than hear, but it soothes me and refreshes me. Even for just a few minutes. And God is nearer.
Happy summertime!